


Through Fields of Asphodel

by Bounemr



Series: Reave, Wayward Children [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:18:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9691127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounemr/pseuds/Bounemr
Summary: Juleka was used to not being seen. She was invisible. That changed after Reflekta, but not for long. People stopped noticing her, again, when they forgot to look. One, though, didn’t forget.





	

Juleka thought it was funny. Sure, on bad days she couldn’t look at Rose’s hot pink ensemble of clothes, she wanted to break every mirror she came across, and, as was helpfully pointed out to her, she couldn’t seem to voice an actual opinion on anything, but she had to admit that there was something inherently comedic about forcing so many of the boys in their school into heels.

Some of them even had fun. She heard Jean Duparc, afterwards, jokingly asking his friends if he could “rock the demon Victorian princess look”. Juleka wasn’t sure if Reflekta’s appearance exactly qualified as such, but neither her nor Jean knew much about fashion, anyway.

Regardless, the whole incident didn’t have entirely negative connotations in Juleka’s mind. It was an admittedly pretty funny power – in hindsight, after everyone had been changed back at least – and it wasn’t as if she imposed herself on their minds, only their appearances. Plus, she had pictures of her. Good pictures. Whether it was Marinette’s influence or Reflekta’s, Juleka was grateful to have them.

But more than that, the whole incident – again, whether it be Marinette’s influence or Reflekta’s Juleka wasn’t quite sure – changed something even more significant for her. For a while, anyway. It was as if, after her akuma’s tantrum about never being seen, her classmates made special effort to notice her. For the first time, they saw her in the hallway when she passed, and gave her a greeting. For the first time, someone other than Rose asked her how her day was going. For the first time, someone other than Rose wanted to spend time with her.

But that only lasted about a month. And then that was only Jean, who wasn’t even in her class, that kept it up that long. He’d still say hello occasionally, but more often than not he missed her.

Juleka knew that it wasn’t any fault of theirs. They would say hello, extend friendship to her even, if they saw her. But unless looking for her specifically, rarely did anyone see her.

That was fine, though. She was used to it. And despite becoming invisible again, her photo curse never came back. _Though,_ she thought, _that might be because Rose won’t let it._ It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had photos ruined after the class pictures. But ever since then, no matter how discouraged Juleka got, Rose adamantly refused to let her leave until a proper picture was captured. It worked out, and whether that was Rose’s influence or pure probability, she didn’t know.

Either way, it was good.

_Good._ Juleka repeated to herself. _It’s good. Overall net positive._ She met her own eyes in the bathroom mirror. There was a time when she believed those words, but there wasn’t much she could do to convince herself anymore other than to repeat them as many times as possible.

People passed in a blur as she walked to school. Bright streaks of blue, white, orange, red as shoes swung by, crisp images of moments in her mind, intertwined hands, an arm over a shoulder, bright smiles and brighter eyes taking in nothing but their ilk.

Juleka passed through the doors to the school. Nino and Adrien were chatting on the steps. _They wouldn’t like it if I joined them. It would only be awkward._ Alix sat on a bench, digging through her backpack. _She’s busy. You’d be interrupting her if you tried to talk._ Marinette and Alya were giggling at some joke one of them had made. _What would you even talk about anyway?_

Rose was in a corner of the courtyard, talking animatedly with Mylène. _I don’t want to bother her. I’ll just wait for her in the classroom._

“Juleka!”

Juleka jumped, turning sharply to see Jean waving her over to his group. She bit her lip. _He probably just feels sorry for me. All alone in the middle of the courtyard._ She looked away, and saw Rose smiling gently at her from afar. Rose gave her a small nod, and turned back to Mylène. Turning back to Jean, she decided that his smile seemed sincere enough.

Hugging herself, she walked over.

“Hello, Juleka,” Jean said. “How are you this lovely morning?” He clasped his hands together and leaned closer almost theatrically. Juleka thought he might have been batting his eyelashes, too, but she couldn’t be certain.

“Fine.”

“A fine answer. Unenthusiastic, but well enough. Do you mind discussing the akuma?”

_Yes._ “No.”

Jean furrowed his brow. “Not any details. We were just wondering what the count is now. Our class has had four.”

Juleka worried her lip again. “Twelve.” She muttered.

“As I said.” The dark-haired girl, Camille, smirked at Jean. “If we were still in that class, we’d be toast.”

“Maybe.” Jean rolled his eyes. “Because you wouldn’t have me to keep those smiles on your faces.”

The tall, red-haired boy, Sebastian, shook his head, an amused grin on his lips. “Of course.” He drawled. “What would we ever do without you?”

“I’m just saying.” Jean shrugged and waggled his eyebrows at Juleka. “You all needed some _magic_ into your lives.”

All three of his friends groaned loudly.

Juleka chuckled.

Jean threw his fists in the air. “Ha! _Someone_ appreciates me!”

Margot, a small, blonde-haired girl, hid her giggles behind her hand. “She’s just not used to you. She can’t see through your _tricks_.”

Jean’s eyes lit up. “Margot! I love you.”

“Yes, yes,” Camille waved her hand nonchalantly. “We love you too. At least try to have some restraint.”

“I have restraint.”

“And yet you never seem to use it.”

Jean rolled his eyes, flashing a good-natured smile. “So, Juleka.” She took a step back as he sidled up to her. “Forgive me for asking, but inquiring minds need to know. What’s it like being in the same class as both the mayor’s daughter and a renowned model?”

Sebastian blanched. “Jean, you do _not_ want to be in the same class as Chloé. We told you about her.”

Juleka hummed. “She’s usually not that bad.” All four of them gave her their undivided attention, despite the fact that she had mumbled it. She squirmed under their intense gazes. “Adrien brings out the worst in her. When she’s not trying to impress him or get closer to him, she’s usually harmless.”

Camille frowned, touching her hand to her chin in thought. “It’s true that you guys seem to have it worse than we did last year.”

“But Adrien?” Margot glanced at Sebastian as she talked. “He seems nice. It’s hard to believe he brings out the worst in anyone.”

“He is.” Juleka said. “He’s one of the sweetest boys in class. You guys would like him. But, the thing is…”

Jean snapped his fingers. “Wait, you’re telling me that Chloé’s fawning over him is real? She _actually_ likes him? And she’s worse now because she’s jealous? I thought she was using him as a beard.”

Juleka just shrugged. “I couldn’t say. But she doesn’t like sharing him. She… tolerates Nino, but most anyone else is harassed.”

“Why is Nino an exception?” Sebastian asked.

Camille tilted her head. “Maybe she doesn’t see him as a threat. She knows he’s ace.”

Jean grinned. “There’s one way to test that theory.”

“You and Sebastian are both gay, Jean, that doesn’t work.”

“I wasn’t talking about us. You. Would she be threatened if a lesbian with a girlfriend talked to Adrien?”

“If she’s using him as a beard, she’d probably be threatened by a lesbian.”

“Oh my god, Cam.”

“I’m not going to go talk to Adrien just to piss Chloé off.” She rolled her eyes. “I am _slightly_ more mature than that.”

Jean looked at Margot. She shook her head. “I’m bi, Jean, she’d almost definitely see me as a threat.”

“Point.”

Jean turned to look at Juleka. “What?” She asked.

“Well…” He smiled mischievously. “There is one other lesbian with a girlfriend here.”

“I’m not talking to Adrien just to piss Chloé off.”

“Fine.” Jean threw his hands into the air. “Who cares why Chloé does what she does anyway?”

Camille chuckled. “Exactly. Just don’t encourage her.”

“Moving to the other point of interest.”

“Ooh, gossip about Adrien. How original.”

“We go to the same school as him. This is good old-fashioned gossip, not famous rich person gossip. Juleka.” Juleka blinked, returning her wandering attention to Jean. “Please tell me he has a crush.”

“Unless you count his celebrity crush on Ladybug, no.”

Jean seemed visibly disappointed at her answer. “Aw, not even Chat Noir?”

Camille hit his shoulder. “You just want him to be gay.”

Juleka shook her head with a sigh. “Yeah, he’s as big of a Ladybug fan as Chloé.”

“Gay.”

“Though I did hear him asking Marinette about Chat Noir’s muscles one time.”

“Gay!” Jean repeated, louder that time. “Speaking of Marinette though. Pigtails, am I right Cam? Margot?”

Camille shook her head. “It’s certainly different. That’s all I’ll say.”

Margot giggled. “Not going to lie, though, I still want to see her with her hair down.”

Camille grinned devilishly back at Margot. “Oh? Like this?” She flicked her long hair over her shoulder for effect.

“Exactly like that.”

“Have you noticed her crush on Adrien, though?” Sebastian asked. “She’s kind of adorable when she gets all stutter-y like that.”

“Dude,” Camille said, “it’s kind of hard to miss. I feel a little bad for her. There’s no way he hasn’t noticed.”

“And since he’s ignoring it…” Jean shrugged. “Poor Marinette.”

“Pretty much.”

Sebastian started to say something else, but cut himself off when he looked at his watch. “Oh, guys, we should get to class.”

The other three groaned but prepared themselves to leave. Margot, Camille, and Sebastian started heading towards their classroom, chatting along the way, but Jean lingered. Juleka watched him for a moment and then decided to head to her own class. But, when she turned around, she was stopped by Jean’s voice, softer, gentler, more careful than she had ever heard it.

“Listen, I know we’ve never had class together or anything, and you’re probably more comfortable with Cam and them, but… you know, I feel like we’re friends.” Juleka looked silently at his mouth forming the words, his hands wringing the straps on his backpack. “And they weren’t… What I’m trying to say is that I know you aren’t ‘fine’. I didn’t want to push in front of the others, or really at all – I’m not going to make you say anything – but you can talk to me if you want. I promise I won’t judge you or anything. I just noticed you’ve been getting quieter again, and I wanted to remind you that you’re not alone.”

He flinched, sort of, and covered his face with a hand. “Ah, what am I doing? Just forget I said anything. You probably talk to Rose about it. You wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

Juleka frowned. “About what?”

“Reflekta.”

Juleka recoiled. “What? How…”

“The Magician of Misfortune. That was me. It still bothers me a little, used to a lot more, but I realized that most people are bothered by it. Not, you know, the Magician, but their own akuma. Some worse than others, but…” He trailed off and then shrugged.

“I’ve never talked about it.”

“You can, if you want. I’ll listen.” He looked over his shoulder suddenly. “Got to get to class. That’s a standing offer. If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you, okay?”

Juleka nodded. He turned away, a smile back on his face, and bounded off to his classroom. Juleka, however, was rooted to the spot. _It was a good thing._ She repeated in her mind, eventually closing her eyes to focus more on the words. _Reflekta broke the picture jinx. Reflekta made people notice me. No one got hurt. It was a good thing._

_Then why are you alone? Does anyone in class even realize you’re not there yet?_

_You’re alone because you’re late to class. Everyone else is already where they’re supposed to be._

Juleka hugged herself and started walking, but she didn’t go to the classroom. Instead, she just left. She knew it was irresponsible, foolish, would probably scare Rose to death, but she didn’t really think. She just let her feet carry her and kept her thoughts in her mind until she found herself back at her apartment. _Who knows, the teachers might not even notice I’m not there. Who else does?_

She opened the door and silently entered, though she knew she could come in screaming and no one would hear. Except maybe the neighbors. Her parents were working, and they always had long hours. Even when they didn’t, it was still rare for them to be home. Juleka wasn’t even entirely sure what they did during their off hours, she just knew it was far away from their small apartment.

That was fine, though. It meant she had space, that she had quiet, that she could get away with dumb stunts like skipping school. Not that she made a habit of it. She’d rather go and spend what time she could with Rose than sit around in the apartment, but all she really had to do was delete the message that the school sent to tell her parents she was absent. It wasn’t even difficult. Sometimes, there was no call.

She sat in silence, not even thinking for the most part, until her phone vibrated. It didn’t take long, and when she checked, she saw that she had missed several messages. Mostly from Rose, but a few of them were from Jean.

RL – Juleka class is about to start! Where are u?  
RL – Why aren’t u here? I saw you in the courtyard!  
RL – Are you skipping? You know that’s not good!  
RL – Wait, did Jean say something? Did he upset u?  
JC – Home. Idk. Yes. No.  
JC – I just didn’t feel like going to class I guess.  
RL – Oh, okay. So long as ur ok.  
RL – U shouldn’t skip but at least text me so I don’t worry!  
JC – Sorry.  
RL – Are u sure ur ok?  
JC – Peachy.  
RL – :c I can’t get caught on my phone again so I’ll let it go  
RL – But I’m coming over for lunch.  
JC – Okay.

Juleka changed the conversation to the one with Jean, feeling just a little guilty about lying to Rose. And skipping school without telling her.

JD – r u skipping?  
JD – im sorry if I upset u I didn’t mean to  
JC – You didn’t.  
JD – but…  
JC – I needed to think.  
JD – I get it  
JD – skipping school tho I didnt know u had it in u  
JC – I’ve skipped before.  
JD – girl how my parents would skin me  
JC – My parents don’t notice.  
JD – oh  
JD – sorry  
JC – It’s fine.  
JD – if it makes u feel any better  
JD – rose noticed  
JD – juleka?  
JC – I’m still here. Put my phone down to get a drink is all.  
JD – long drink  
JC – So it seems.  
JD – look I get that u probs dont wanna talk about reflekta  
JC – Not so much that I don’t want to talk about her.  
JC – More that I don’t want to dig too deep into it.  
JD – why not?  
JC – Why else?  
JD – jules I get it  
JD – u think I wanted to talk about the magician  
JD – I believe strongly that especially in cases like ours  
JD – we need someone to ask u to share  
JC – What do you mean “cases like ours”?  
JD – well were not like max or rose or something  
JD – we dont always do the most logical thing  
JD – and sometimes we have trouble relying on other people  
JD – its easy to let yourself kind of fade into the background  
JC – I don’t believe that this is a problem you have.  
JD – my best friends were all best friends before they even met me  
JD – im like a fourth wheel most of the time  
JD – okay that sounded stupid with an even number but you get the point  
JD – a lot of the time it feels like theyre better friends w each other than w me  
JD – and so it can be hard to convince myself to tell them certain things  
JD – I just convince myself itd be too awkward and stay quiet  
JC – From where I’m standing, it’s pretty clear that they love you as much as each other.  
JD – thanks  
JD – like I know that but it can still be hard to believe sometimes when I really need them  
JD – and im worried ur doing the same thing  
JD – I know u have rose and all and that im not exactly ur best friend  
JD – but I know what that feels like  
JC – If you don’t mind my asking…  
JD – not at all  
JC – Why were you akumatized?  
JD – I was frustrated  
JD – no one took my magic passion seriously  
JD – especially adults whenever I said I wanted to be a magician they just laughed  
JD – if they didnt think me pitiful and try to explain how I need to get a “real job”  
JD – theyd just tell me id change my mind when I got older  
JD – kids did it too tho. they just ignored me  
JD – I got sick of people not listening to me and telling me what I want  
JC – I got akumatized because no one notices me.  
JC – The cameraman at the class pictures didn’t even give me a spot at first.  
JC – And then more shenanigans happened and Chloé locked me in the bathroom.  
JC – I just wanted to be in a picture with my classmates.  
JD – why would chloe do that  
JC – My spot in the photo was next to Adrien.  
JD – that must have been terrible  
JD – not the standing next to adrien part the reasoning  
JC – Yeah. Even when she goes after me it has nothing to do with me.  
JC – Sometimes I think I’ll be glad to have only enemies if it means they actually know I exist.  
JD – can I tell u something?  
JD – when I saw the magician on the news the first time I was happy  
JD – bc chat and ladybug took me seriously as a magician even if they were my enemies  
JD – I mean granted I had ACTUAL magic I think but still  
JD – there was some satisfaction there  
JC – I understand. I was the same way with Reflekta.  
JC – Even if I was a villain, people noticed me.  
JC – And afterwards people wanted to be my friend.  
JD – but?  
JC – After about a month they had nearly all forgotten about me again.  
JC – I hate myself for feeling it but sometimes I wish I could be a villain again.  
JC – And then I’m scared bc I like to think I’m better than that but if that’s what I’m wishing for.  
JD – u r better than that  
JD – thinking it doesn’t mean youd do it  
JD – and I get it I feel the same thing sometimes  
JD – as bad as hm is he did give us what we wanted  
JD – and yeah he was being manipulative and some akuma dont get what they want like we did so we know hes only acting out of self interest  
JD – and even though he was just using me it did feel really good to hear someone  
JD – even him  
JD – tell me that my passion is worthwhile  
JC – I think being a magician would be a wonderful career for you.  
JD – ur sweet and thank u  
JD – but remember that its our choices that matter  
JD – not what we think or what tempts us  
JD – even if u have those thoughts even if theyre earnest  
JD – ur not going out teaming up with hm  
JD – ur not defending him  
JD – thats what matters  
JC – Maybe I’m just a strong, independent villain.  
JC – Who don’t need no man.  
JD – in that case can I be ur sidekick im hardly a man anyway  
JC – You’re a man, Jean!  
JD – lol is that a no then  
JC – Hmm, I’ll think about it.  
JD – sweet  
JD – btw did u want to have lunch w us  
JC – Rose is coming over for lunch but thank you for offering.  
JD – oh is she ;)  
JC – Shush. I should probably go make sure I actually have food, though.  
JD – thats cool my teacher next period is a stickler for phones anyway  
JD – ttyl then?  
JC – Sure. Later.  
JD – have fun on ur date  
JD – and im here to talk literally anytime remember that  
JC – I will.  
JD – to which one  
JC – I’ll let you figure it out.

Juleka, luckily, had plenty of food stored away. From the looks of it, her parents hadn’t even opened their fridge in at least a couple days, since Juleka bought groceries. The only things misplaced were things that Juleka herself had used.

She rummaged a little, keeping her mind busy with ideas of something to cook for Rose. _My place is a little far from the school to go for lunch. If she’s going to get back on time the food needs to be ready when she gets here._

Unfortunately, that distraction wouldn’t last long. Once Juleka had settled on something simple, she found herself with only time on her hands. Luckily, her chat with Jean had taken up a large amount of the time she otherwise would have had to wait. Unfortunately, that also mean that she didn’t have nearly as much time as she wanted once it hit her what was about to happen.

_Oh god, Rose is coming over. She’s going to want to know why I skipped school. What do I tell her? I can’t just say “hey I kind of wish Hawk Moth would get me again wouldn’t that be great”. That would just make her worry for me._

_Sure, she was akumatized. She knows what that’s like. But it wasn’t the same for her. She didn’t gain anything from it. She wouldn’t understand, it would only confuse her. Maybe even upset her._

_It’s better to just stick to my very, very fragile story. I’ll tell her I didn’t think I could handle it today. That I thought I could, that’s why I showed up, and then realized that today wasn’t good for me. She didn’t see me leave, she’ll buy it._

_Just, anything so that she doesn’t worry herself over me._

Juleka kept that thought in her head, running scenarios and muttering to an imaginary Rose, playing out each scenario. She couldn’t picture her, though. All the emotions brought to the surface from her talk with Jean were too fresh. The pain she felt when she remembered what she did was more raw than ever.

She caught her own eyes in her mirror, a simple, body-sized one in the corner of her room.

_It was good._ She still hated her reflection, though. _It was a net positive._ She still growled at the image and threw a blanket over it.

* * *

 

Lunch with Rose had ended up both better and more disappointing than Juleka had thought. It was mostly due to her own cowardice. Rose asked her what was wrong and she just made up some unconvincing lie about things getting a bit overwhelming. Rose was used to that. It would worry her, but only slightly, and it was the best of all the options for Rose.

And then Juleka changed the subject awkwardly, and Rose, such an empathetic soul, respected her silent wish not to talk about it.

There was no dramatics, no hugs aside from the greeting and goodbye ones, no revelations. Better than she expected, but horribly anticlimactic.

In fact, with her having such a heart-to-heart with Jean, the day felt almost like it was culminating into something big, but after Rose had gone back to school, she was alone. And she remained alone until the following day. And in that day she spoke to Rose in hushed whispers and otherwise was alone. Like usual.

Things had gone so normally after that day that Juleka had nearly forgotten about Jean’s sudden and sweet concern and frightening understanding. She spoke with him once or twice, briefly, and he was loud and bright and surrounded by his friends as always. He didn’t give any indication of their chat except for the occasional quirk of the eyebrow behind his friend’s backs.

She had many ways to explain her decision to continue like normal, despite how much that conversation ate away at her mind. She accused him of pitying her. She told herself that he already had his life together, and didn’t need her messing it up again. Besides, even if she did want to talk to him, he was busy. He was talking to his real friends. She couldn’t take that time away from him so selfishly.

It didn’t bother her, anyway. It shouldn’t bother her. She gained from the experience, came out on top. What could possibly bother her about Reflekta? She didn’t even hurt anyone to get what she got. People laughed about it. Why should it bother her?

Juleka rubbed her bleary eyes and focused on where she was walking. _Wrong direction._

She turned on her heel, realizing that her locker was in the exact opposite direction, and ran straight into a tall, beautiful girl with cascading dark hair. _Camille?_ “Oh! Juleka, sorry!”

“It’s okay.” Juleka muttered. “I wasn’t paying attention. My fault.”

Camille made a strange face at her, but shifted it into a smile quickly. She brushed Juleka’s shoulders playfully and switched places with her. “Got to get to class,” she said with a wink. “Good to see you.”

Juleka frowned but turned to find her locker.

Where, when she arrived a few minutes later, Jean Duparc was waiting for her. “Good afternoon,” he said, plastering a charming smile on his lips.

“Jean. Afternoon. What are you doing at my locker?”

He held up his phone. “S.O.S. from Cam. Said you were kind of out of it. Asked me to check up on you.”

“That’s sweet of her.” Juleka opened her locker slowly, retrieving her books.

“Isn’t it?” He rocked on his toes for a moment in silence. “Is it about Reflekta?”

Juleka rolled her eyes. “You can stop worrying about me, Jean.”

“I’m not worried.” She stared him down at that, meeting his eyes and finding, strangely, not a hint of worry. Humor, confidence, some strange sort of affection, maybe, but not worry. “I know you’re strong. You can handle it. I’m just following up.”

“Why?”

“Because I know what you’re doing. Even if I leave an invite to talk, you’re not going to, let me guess,” he held up his hands to put air quotes around his next words, “bother me?” Juleka started heading towards her classroom, he followed. “So, I’m going to push a little. Again, I know you can handle it, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to make it easier to handle anyway.”

“Is this really the time?”

Jean chuckled. “Is there ever a time? Tell you what. Let’s have lunch. Just you and me. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“You’re really weird.”

“Please?”

Juleka gritted her teeth. She wanted to say no, to hide away, but he had asked her. “Sure.”

“Awesome. Any ideas where you want to go?”

She shrugged. “Wherever you want.”

He knitted his brow for just a second, and then grinned. “Alright. See you then!” And then he darted off towards his own classroom.

Juleka tried not to think about what Jean wanted to say or why he was so invested in “helping” her. Instead she just did her best to focus on the class and on Rose – both very difficult tasks as she could hardly stomach the bright pink dress that Rose wore (she _knew_ that it was Rose’s style, but it just reminded her of Reflekta, and that made her worry. In her heart, she was absolutely convinced that the pink was Reflekta’s influence again, which made her stomach churn. In her brain, she knew that there was none of her akuma’s influence in Rose’s clothing choices, but wondered whether there was any of Rose’s influence in her akuma’s clothing choices. The thought that even when she was finally being seen, the good that did come out of the whole event, it was only because she was more like Rose, hurt her. It felt like even at that critical moment, no one actually saw her, just the remnants of the one person who cared about her. She didn’t matter, Rose did. And even when people look at her, all they see is Rose.) and because she kept getting distracted by her own thoughts.

Eventually, though, she was released for lunch. Rose had to go home, so Juleka was lucky enough not to need an excuse, and met Jean near the entrance to the school.

He was already talking before they set off. “Do you know what magic is? Not like, Ladybug and Chat Noir’s magic, my magic. The tricks of a trade magician.”

“No?”

“Sleight of hand. Smoke and mirrors. The trick is to hide the mechanism, and show the result.”

Juleka worried her lip, glancing over at him. “What’s your point?”

“You’re a wizard, Juleka.”

“Sorry? Did you just quot-”

“Yeah. But listen. You, I, do the same thing with our emotions. Listen. After I was the Magician, I told you that I was really happy that Ladybug and Chat Noir actually took me seriously. Well, that didn’t actually last long. I mean, yes, I was happy about it. I got some pride out of it, even after it all fell apart, but I realized pretty quickly that even though they did take me seriously as the Magician, I’ll never be on that same level. The Magician had… _actual_ magic. There was no trick, no hidden doors or strings or clever manipulation. It was just _poof_ your quarter is gone. _Poof_ , there goes the library. But me? All I can do is guide people’s attention away from the very real, often very simple explanation.” _Also the point, apparently._

Jean sighed. “So, in the end, it was only Hawk Moth who gave me any credit for what I do, and then it was fake. I was discouraged, to say the least. You know what I did?”

“No?”

“I came up with excuses. I knew it bothered me. I knew all my logic behind why I’m a sucky magician. But all I told people was what I decided they needed to know. That I was upset was obvious, so I just said that it was something small like I spilled a drink on a shirt I liked or something. All they knew was that I was upset, so when I gave them an explanation that fit, they accepted it, nonethewiser of the real reasons.” He gave her a curious glance. “You know why no one figured it out?”

“Because you lied?”

“Because they wanted to believe that it was small. If you show people how a magic trick works, it’s not awesome anymore. It’s not captivating. And often, once you know, it’s so obvious that the trick would never work on you again. The magician wouldn’t be able to distract you from what’s happening.

“Anyway, this is all just a super roundabout way of saying that smiles and ‘I’m just having a bad day’ will work on most people, but not on someone who knows exactly how that kind of thing works.”

Juleka hugged herself, looking away. “Why do you care?”

She looked back just enough to see Jean shrug. “We’re friends. Or I consider you a friend, anyway. And I’ll be honest I got a little pissed when I saw your class start dropping you again after Reflekta. I know I wasn’t the best at keeping up with… this. But I tried. You didn’t deserve that. Don’t deserve that.”

The two were temporarily distracted as they found the place they were going to have lunch. Juleka remained silent except to order, thinking on Jean’s words, and he didn’t say any more on the topic until they were sitting across from each other at their table.

“Tell me why Reflekta bothers you.”

_It shouldn’t._ “I don’t want to.”

Jean bit his lip, looked at his plate, back at her, and then rested his head on his hand. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. But if you’ll listen, there’s one more thing I want to tell you about the Magician of Misfortune.”

Juleka took a steadying breath and a bite of her lunch and nodded.

“The Magician, I, wanted to be recognized. I was. Even if I was sort of cheating to do it, and it was all ultimately Hawk Moth manipulating me, I got what I wanted in the end. At the moment, anyway.” He folded his hands on the table, fixing Juleka with intense eyes. “I was happy, however superficially, because I did get that. I thought that the akumatization wasn’t ultimately that bad. I only gained from it – even afterward fewer people overall told me I’d grow out of magic. It was good for me. But, Juleka, I was also miserable. I was insecure, because my magic could never measure up to the Magician’s. I was hurt, because I was manipulated and forced to fight two people who I quite frankly admire a lot. It took me a long time to realize that the recognition I had as the Magician wasn’t… hmm. What I’m trying to say is that yes, there was good there. I even wished sometimes that I could be a villain again, like we talked about earlier. Because I got what I wanted so obviously it was a good thing, right?” Jean’s smile seemed strained, but Juleka just watched quietly.

“But I didn’t realize until much later that just because something good came out of it, my feelings, the bad ones, weren’t valid or justified. I did get something good from it, but you know what? It still messed me up. It was still a terrible thing to do. And I had to learn to change the way I looked at it. It wasn’t an equal trade, or a net gain, or anything like I had tried to convince myself. The good doesn’t justify what Hawk Moth did, nor does it erase the other effects of it.

“Just…” Jean ducked his head, snatching his drink off the table and holding it close. “Think about it.” He took a sip, keeping his lips on the cup even when he tilted it back vertically.

Juleka closed her eyes. The decision, in her mind, was a long, drawn out, complicated one. But she felt she owed Jean honesty. He wanted to help her, wanted to share his own story with her, wanted to hear hers. Maybe it was for Reflekta, maybe for her, but she decided the chance was worth it. If he truly did just want to see her, not her girlfriend or her akuma, then he was a friend worth the effort.

“Ironically, I’m actually not even particularly fond of pink.” She had said.

Jean looked up at her, his eyes wide, his brow arched inquisitively, silently urging her to continue.

“I was happy, after Reflekta, that people noticed me, but I’m still not sure if it even counts. I don’t think Reflekta was really me, either.” _I probably wouldn’t even wear that outfit in my room with no one to see._

Jean worried his lip, waiting for her to continue. When she had been silent long enough, he straightened, and looked her over. “Who are you, really, then? Mind letting me see?”

Juleka matched his gentle smirk and, hesitantly, started talking.


End file.
